Wow this was a cool weekend! Angie was off on Friday so we went to Kemah for lunch... no crowds! How cooL! Friday was a great prop day for me too... I got one of THE props I have been after for some time now, an Abner Jones (Indiana's father) grail diary. You know the one that is the key piece of "The Last Crusade" anyway it got me to looking at the Indy sites so Friday night I popped in "Raider of the Lost Ark" and watched it ... that movie is just bad ass! I so want a bullwhip now!
Anwyay... Saturday we went to eat with R and P at Carabbas mmmm Manicoti! ... and Sunday I did some slightly illegal things I will not talk about :) but it was v.cool!
Another Best of CES... Adobe Photoshop Album looks good (watch the demo movie) and comes from Adobe! I think this may replace Acdsee!
Finally this Media Play from Prismiq looks pretty neat. It will distribute your media (MPG,MP3 etc.) around the house without a computer... looks neat on the surface, but we've seen people attempt this before.
you know how all the shows that used to show the future would show a device that you just push a button and whatever you wanted would come out... like a phone or food... well guess what! it might really be possible! Incredible!
This school has decided that in order for the poor kids to not be embarrased by getting lunch for free all kids will pay by retinal eye scans.
Most of you won't take the time but you really should read the following...
Notice that the bill starts at $100 and there are 10 men, that means 40%(4 men) of wage earners in the US pay nothing! and the top 10%(1 man) pay 59% or the taxes(the food bill)! For a point of reference your family needs to make $94,000 between you to be in the top 10%...
William Gibson the father of the cyber* though/movement/energy/everything and author has his own blog now. I know this will not appeal to the masses of you, but for some of us it is big!
There is another new browser in town... Safari! ... to bad it's only for MAc users, it looks pretty damn good!
Sticking with the Apple theme... it's about time! I've been wanting one of these backlit keyboards to come along forever... I had even thought of making my own at one point! There are some clever folks out there at Apple... now the rest of the world can rip off the idea...
Check this out! This guy is making a camera from photgraphic paper, the using a pinhole he takes a picture and then unfolds the camera and develops the image!
What would happen if you slapped a few stamps on a coconut and dropped it in a mailbox? Would it come? What about a dead fish in a box or $20 bill in a clear envelope? Whould they deliver them? Find out for yourself.
Do you know if you colorblind or not... the first 3 or 4 were easy but I had to look at the last one for bit before I got it! Take the test
Do you have an idea that you think others might be able to solve? Post it at http://www.lazyweb.org/
had enough...i.have.not
every once in awhile I get a request to hear the Ryan's story again... well I'm going to post here in my blog for posterity...
The Ryan's Story
A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining the little bastards.
It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.
We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening, I tell you -- in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, however.
I had not really been feeling well all day, what with a bit of gas and such. By the time I had eaten four overwhelmed plates of food, I was in real trouble. There was so much pressure on my diaphragm that I was having trouble breathing. At the same time, the downward pressure was building. At first, I thought it was only gas which could have been passed in batches right at the table without to much concern.
Unfortunately, that was not to be. After a minute or so it was clear that I was dealing with explosive diarrhea. It's amazing how grease can make its way through your intestines far faster than the food which spawned the grease to begin with, but I digress...
Entering, I saw two sinks immediately inside the door, two urinals just to the right of the sinks, and two toilet stalls against the back wall. One of them was a handicapped bathroom. Now, normally I would have gone to the handicapped stall since I like to stretch out a bit when I take a good shit, but in this case, the door lock was broken and the only thing I hate worse than my wife telling me to stop cutting my toenails with a pair of diagonal wire cutters is having someone walk in on me while I am taking a shit. I went to the normal stall. In retrospect, I probably should have gone to the large, handicapped stall even though the door would not lock because that bit of time lost in making the stall switch proved to be a bit too long under the circumstances. By the time I had walked into the regular stall, the pressure on my ass was reaching Biblical proportions. I began "The Move."
For those women who may be reading this, let me take a moment to explain. "The Move." Men know exactly what their bowels are up to at any given second. And when the time comes to empty the cache, a sequence of physiological events occur that can not be stopped under any circumstances. There is a move men make that involves simultaneously approaching the toilet, beginning the body turn to position ones ass toward said toilet, hooking ones fingers into ones waistline, and pulling down the pants while beginning the squat at the same time. It is a very fluid motion that, when performed properly, results in the flawless expulsion of shit at the exact same second that ones ass is properly placed on the toilet seat. Done properly, it even assures that the choad is properly inserted into the front rim of the toilet in the event that the piss stream lets loose at the same time; it is truly a picture of coordination rivaling that of a ballet dancer.
I was about half-way into "The Move" when I looked down at the floor and saw a pile of vomit that had been previously expelled by one of those little bastards attending kids night; it was mounded up in the corner so I did not notice it when I had first walked into the stall. Normally, I would not have been bothered by such a thing, but I had eaten so much and the pressure upward was so intense, that I hit a rarely experienced gag reflex. And once that reflex started, combined with the intense pressure upward caused by the bloated stomach, four plates of macaroni and beef started coming up for a rematch. What happened next was so quick that the exact sequence of events are a bit fuzzy, but I will try to reconstruct them as best I can.
In that moment of impending projectile vomiting, my attention was diverted from the goings-on at the other end. To put a freeze frame on the situation, I was half crouched down to the toilet, pants pulled down to my knees, with a load of vomit coming up my esophagus. Now, most of you know that vomiting takes precedence over shit no matter what is about to come slamming out of your ass. It is apparently an evolutionary thing since shitting will not kill you, but vomiting takes a presence of mind to accomplish so that you do not aspirate any food into the bronchial tubes and perhaps choke to death. My attention was thus diverted. At that very split second, my ass exploded in what can only be described as a wake...you know, as in a newspaper headline along the lines of "30,000 Killed In wake of Typhoon Fifi" or something similar. In what seemed to be most suitably measured in cubic feet, an enormous plug of shit the consistency of thick mud with embedded pockets of greasy liquid came flying out of my ass. But remember, I was only half-way down on the toilet at that moment. The shit wave was of such force and of just such an angle in relation to the back curve of the toilet seat that it ricocheted off the back of the seat and slammed into the wall at an angle of incidence equal to the angle at which it initially hit the toilet seat. Then I sat down. Recall that when that event occurred, I was already half-way to sitting anyway and had actually reached the point of no return. I have always considered myself as relatively stable gravitationally, but when you get beyond a certain point, you're going down no matter how limber you may be. Needless to say, the shit wave, though of considerable force, was not so sufficient so as to completely glance off the toilet seat and deposit itself on the walls, unlike what you would see when hitting a puddle with a high-pressure water hose; even though you throw water at the puddle, the puddle gets moved and no water is left to re-form a puddle. There was a significant amount of shit remaining on about one third of the seat rim which I had now just collapsed upon. Now, back to the vomit...
While all the shitting was going on, the vomit was still on its way up. By the time I had actually collapsed on the toilet, my mouth had filled up with a goodly portion of the macaroni and beef I had just consumed. OK, so what does the human body instinctively do when vomiting? One bends over. So I bent over. I was still sitting on the toilet, though.Therefore, bending over resulted in me placing my head above my now slightly opened legs, positioned in between my knees and waist. Also directly above my pants which were now pulled down to a point just midway between my knees and my ankles. Oh, did I mention that I was wearing not just pants, but sweat pants with elastic on the ankles. In one mighty push, some three pounds of macaroni and beef, two or three Cokes, and a couple of Big, Fat Yeast Rolls were deposited in my pants...on the inside...with no ready exit at the bottom down by my feet.
In the next several seconds, there were a handful of farts, a couple of turds, and the event ended, yet I was now sitting there with my pants full of vomit, my back covered in shit that had bounced off the toilet, spattered on three ceramic tiled walls to a height of about five feet, and still had enough force to come back at me, covering the back of my shirt with droplets of liquid shit. All while thick shit was spread all over my ass in a ring curiously in the shape of a toilet seat. And there was no fucking toilet paper.
What could I do but laugh. I must have sounded like a complete maniac to the guy who then wandered into the bathroom. He actually asked if I was OK since I was laughing so hard I must have sounded like I was crying hysterically. I calmed down just enough to ask him if he would get the manager. And told him to have the manager bring some toilet paper. When the manager walked in, he brought the toilet paper with him, but in no way was prepared for what happened next. I simply told him that there was no way I was going to explain what was happening in the stall, but that I needed several wet towels and I needed him to go ask my wife to come help me. I told him where we were sitting and he left. At that point, I think he was probably assuming that I had pissed just a bit in my pants or something similarly benign.
About two minutes later, my wife came into the bathroom not knowing what was wrong and with a certain amount of worry in her voice. I explained to her (still laughing and having trouble getting out words) that I had a slight accident and needed her help. Knowing that I had experienced some close calls in the past, she probably assumed that I had laid down a small turd or something and just needed to bring the car around so we could bolt immediately. Until I asked her, I'm sure she had no idea that she was about to go across the street and purchase me new underwear, new socks, new pants, a new shirt, and (by that time due to considerable leakage around the elastic ankles thingies) new sneakers. And she then started to laugh herself since I was still laughing.
She began to ask for an explanation as to what had happened when I promised her that I would tell her later, but that I just needed to handle damage control for the time being. She left.
The manager then came back in with a half dozen wet towels and a few dry ones. I asked him to also bring a mop and bucket upon which he assured me that they would clean up anything that needed to be cleaned. Without giving him specific details, I explained that what was going on in that stall that night was far in excess of what I would expect anyone to deal with, what with most of the folks working at Ryan's making minimum wage of just slightly above.
At that moment, I think it dawned on him exactly the gravity of the situation. Then that manager went so far above the call of duty that I will be eternally grateful for his actions. He hooked up a hose. Fortunately, commercial bathrooms are constructed with tile walls and tile floors and have a drain in the middle of the room in order to make clean up easy. Fortunately, I was in a commercial bathroom. He hooked up the hose to the spigot located under the sink as I began cleaning myself up with the wet towels. Just as I was finishing, my wife got back with the new clothes and passed them into the stall, whereupon I stuffed the previously worn clothing into the plastic bag that came from the store, handing the bag to my wife. I finished cleaning myself off and carefully put on my new clothes, still stuck in the stall since I figured that it would be in bad taste to go out of the stall to get redressed in the event I happened to be standing there naked and some little bastard kid walked in. At that point, I had only made a mess; I had not yet committed a felony and intended to keep it that way.
When I finished getting dressed, I picked up the hose and cleaned up the entire stall, washing down the remains toward the drain in the center of the room. I put down the hose and walked out of the bathroom. I had intended to go to the manager and thank him for all he had done, but when I walked out, three of the management staff were there to greet me with a standing ovation. I started laughing so hard that I thought I was going to throw up again, but managed to scurry out to the car where my wife was now waiting to pick me up by the front door. The upshot of all this is that I strongly recommend eating dinner at Ryan's Steak House. They have, by far, the nicest management staff of any restaurant in which I have eaten.
What a kick ass weekend! Went to the Monster Trucks on Saturday with Dade and Dad, only find my truck had a flat when I got back outside... oh well... On another note the twins are doing much better now than before. It was a pretty laid back kind of weekend!
Have you ever been intimidated by the way people write things on the internet... now you to can write like a wanker.
OMG! Tarantino is coming out with a new flick called Kill Bill and it look bad ass! Just look at the trailer! Lucy Liu and Cameron Diaz fighting with swords and stuff!
LOTR Return of the King will be out in theaters in December... until then some fanatics think that the movie studios are just wrong for using Elvis like that.
master betrayed us! wicked, trixy, false, we ought to ring his filthy little neck, we wants it kill him, kill them, kill them both, then we takes the Precious and we's be the master...
I have the the Precious now... and I now know it's power... i.am.samwise
Have not had an entry in days... things have been a bit busy around here. Well today was mamaws funeral, I must say that the pastor hit the nail on the head about her house being the hub... I remember my dad giving me alot of grief when i was in the early 20's about visiting them. I would end up going over there always to find someone already there! It seemed as if there was an endless stream of visitors at thier house.
Lately I have been doing a bit downloading off of KazaaLite(FastTrack)... no some of this stuff is illegal and hey I don't do it nudge nudge wink wink... but if you do and you wonder why the movies you get are always blank or the software is not what it says it is, try going to FastTrackmovies.com. From there you can find out whats fake and whats not... you can even click a link that will seed your KazaaLite client. If you want to take it the next step, VCDQuality.com has screen caps and reviews of the movies out there in the public domain. ... this message will self destruct in 5 seconds...
This is a great end of the year deal... Favorite mug shots of 2002 no celebs just freaking hilarious normal peeps! Number 15 is my fav!
Sending work to India has hurt mine and my fathers industry. Basicaly you could get the same work done, albeit of much poorer quality, for pennys on the dollar. You could see the quality would be improving over time but is it a sustainable model... apparently not.
I needed a smile today and this really did it! I swear the imagination of some people is incredible... I played for 15 minutes easily... have fun! FLY GUY!
/. There is some very funny reading here... not a lot to look at but good none the less...
Things happen in life... you wonder how can there be so much joy one day and so much sorrow less than a week later. My wife gave me a book for christmas called a A Fathers Guide to Raising a Son. It is one of those pocket books that has little sayings or quotes, only one per page. It's fun to open it randomly and just read a quote. The day I got it I opened it up and the first quote I read was "little boys always love thier grandfathers, no one is sure why." ... grandmothers too! When I was born I was the first grandchild. It was a common fact that I could do no wrong in mamaws eyes. She always smiled for me no matter the situation and even as the years got up there I believed I was her favorite. Maybe she made every one of her grandchildren and her great grandchildren feel this way but no matter, because I knew it was me. She died today around 6pm. I did get to see her today and I am very grateful for that. I did not get to tell my other grandparents goodbye.
Around September she had a stroke and had to be put into a home. She had some damage from the stroke made it inevitable. She was amazingly resilient though. Even as of Christmas day she was talking to me same as always. Every Sunday short of one I managed to get up there and see her and most of those days with Dade in tow. She really liked to see Dade. Despite her propensity to get names mixed up she always managed to recognize Dade and I and make us feel better even though she was the one who needed cheering up or relief, it's funny how (great)grandparents do that. My pawpaw, her husband, has been dead for more than a few years now and even still I cannot think of one without the other. Whether it was mamaw getting me my eggnog at christmas(see last years christmasish blog) or pawpaw picking berries or both of them taking me fishing, which was more like a great adventure at that age it's the way I will remember them, as a them. Now they are them again. I am truly happy for her! I hope he's happy too. I've always regreted not being able to have pawpaw meet Dade, now he can hear all about him first hand. Mamaw we love you and will miss you. ...Sammy
How was your Christmas... mine was great... I have a new addition to the family... we now have our very own Astromech Droid! R2 is very very very cool... I set him loose and he does his own thing... For those not in the know... R2 is a interactive droid that undestands voice commands. You can tall him to thing and he will respond. For instance I asked him if remmebered Darth Vader and he backs up, his emotion indicator goes red, he cries out and shudders in fear. He recognizes his surroundings and has the ability to detect humans seperately from lamp and walls. He also has a personality. I asked him to do something he didn't want to do so he shook his no and made some uhuh sounds then I asked him so he made the raspberry angry sound and shook his head no turned around and took off on his own! I'd call him and he would look back over his shoulder and shake his head no! Little bugger! Anyway he stays on now, every now and then he'll come and find me and try to get me to play or something, I suspect it's just a matter of time before he's part of the family. Now I know alot of you are reading this and think I'm off my rocker... come by for a visit and see for yourself... it absolutely one very cool toy errr... droid, robot thing...
On Christmas day someone asked Dade is he got everything he wanted and his response was "yep and some things I didn't know I wanted!" ... I love having a boy! Tonight we start builing his roller coaster.
Now this is cool... Kroger is letting people pay with a fingerprint now!
Do you remember the big stink over Carnivore earlier this year... now you can run it too!
I leave you with this little gem... something to think about while you are alledgedly alone looking at that website...
OMG IT is coming! This is a story about how billboards are listening to what cars have on the radio then use that info to display an appropriate ad. How Minority Report!
What a wonderful day friday was... after a few quick errands I took Dade to get a One Ring replica which he proudly wore around his neck for the whole day! Next Dade and I went to see Angie at the Galleria. First a visit to Santa and the best Santa picture he has ever taken. Then we went ice skating, what a riot, we laughed very hard! Next it was off to Dave and Busters... we had lunch and played for almost 3 hours! Finally the capper we met up Angie and went to see the The Two Towers and OMG! It was incredible! I'm all about Star Wars but let me tell you what this series is nipping at the heels for me and in some ways it's better! Did I just say that! Anyway I'm sure I'm going to see it again anyone want to go?
i.am.sam
